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Presents

A Webzine Created and Edited by 

AFTERGLOW
Here's a depressing little piece I wrote when I was about 16
or 18:
"AND ALL OF THIS IS MINE"
So here I sit. All that's left of what was hopeful. Flashing
eyes and inner heaven of green trees and blue skies. Long years spent in developing a
world within. Something above the feeble glow that passes for reality. Always entertaining
thoughts obviously less than sane, and always leaving them for something more substantial.
But every rock-hard and solid tangible I grasp for evaporates into senseless wisps at my
touch. Having an image but no reality to match it.
And just when I think I've finally found her whom I met in
reverie, a flaw materializes and whips up, screaming tauntingly like a quick scythe,
shattering the polished teeth of a forced smile.
And all of this is mine. The legacy of an innocence long
since dead and rotting in the forgotten smears of yesterthought. I always have hope, which
brands me as a fool before I have a chance to enjoy those things obtained while becoming a
fool.
So, dashed and splattered are the vile thoughts of peace and
love, and just an empty scar that doubles as a sneer is left to frown and brood.
And I try, I really do. And I fail, boy do I fail. Yet,
inside, the green trees and blue skies go on, a little murkier perhaps, but on. And once
again I drag my sliced and battered "I" up on its weary stubs and funnel into my
heart all that comes my way, which usually happens to be rejection.
But there's a new day coming. And its always darkest before
the dawn. And life goes on....
********************************
I couldn't know it then, but there WAS a dawn ahead - the
dawn that I now live every day. So, hold on. None of us can tell the future. If we could
there would be no free will, as all would be predestined to us. Chaos is chaos because it
can't be predicted. When times are bleak, chaos is a friend, not a foe. As all of us who
have made life transitions can attest: the impossible is only that which you refuse to
believe.

May you never find occasion to say, "If
only....."

The Subversive #14
For a complete collection of all past issues
of The Subversive visit:
http://heartcorps.com/subversive/
In the belief that information should belong
freely to the people,
The Subversive is made available on the World Wide Web at no charge.
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Hi, I'm Melanie Anne
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