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The lights were low in the cavernous hall of Cub Luna as I came in. I was nervous, I know it's not smart for a woman to go to a bar alone even in Santa Fe and I was definitely on my guard.
Cub Luna opened a few years ago in a building that was originally built for a movie theater. They built the bar on one side, the whole side, it's about a hundred feet long. The place has a reputation for being packed and smoky, but this night there were maybe fifty people, it seemed almost empty. The act hadn't started yet and I found a table near the stage just one row back from the dance floor.
I had heard this guy Tab Benwa was going to play. He had been interviewed on a local radio station today. He sang some old delta blues and sounded so good that I had to see the show. Well at least that was the excuse I used to convince myself that I needed to come even though all of my girlfriends were ether working or watching someone's boring home movies of their honeymoon in Samatra.
I ordered a drink from the waitress and sat there listening to the old blues CD's they were playing. The fact is I've been so lonely as of late that going to the show alone seemed to make since. Don't get me wrong I know I have lots of friends that care about me, but after two years without any close loving body contact, I'm getting desperate. I was about to ravish the first unsuspecting guy that came within arms length.
Getting dressed tonight was tougher than usual, I just couldn't decide. The dress code in Santa Fe is always casual with some really fancy thrown in just to mix things up. I wanted to look good but not like the horny sex starved wild woman I am. After trying on every thing I own and making a huge pile of unsuitable outfits on my bed I settled on a calf length rayon dress, mostly burgundy but with small flowers all over. It has short sleeves and it's cut tight on top and very full and flowing on the bottom. It's a magic dress, some how it makes me feel pretty even if I'm having my period (an interesting phenomenon that only a natural woman or any of us who might be on hormone therapy can relate to). I left one button loose on the top to give my inadequate but growing cleavage a fighting chance and unbuttoned five or six from the bottom so my bare legs could show when I cross them. For earrings I chose these long wide dangling silver things from Bali and I but on a string of tiny cobalt blue glass beads. Wonder of wonders I'm having a good hair day! Its blond by the way, shoulder length and curly. I brushed it out and it looked good, the first time! Wow!
Now, I'm like the rest of you, I love to wear high heels but I'm five foot ten and I don't want to be any taller than that, so I put on my black cloth Chinese maryjanes. They're great for dancing and that is just what I intend to do. I put on my eye make-up a little heavier than usual and I even brushed on some translucent powder (something I never do) and some blush. I feel like I look good, maybe too good, this is getting scary.
Well, I've been sitting here for about ten minutes before this good looking white guy with curly black hair comes out on stage. He is young and too nice looking for a blues singer but as he starts to play I feel my body start to dance right there in my chair. This guy plays like BB King. He's up there with a base and a drummer and they are all really hot. A few people are getting up to dance, mostly women dancing in a group. Oh, I really want to dance! But even more I want to dance with a man.
The first song ends and Tab starts into another and I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder, there standing behind me is a bearded bear of a man. His words are drowned in the music but I think he wants to dance. Smiling he takes my hand and leads me on to the dance floor. This bear is quite handsome but it soon becomes clear that he's so drunk that he isn't dancing much. He's just kind of wobbling and watching me with this silly smile. So I begin to dance enough for both of us, I love to dance, I feel so free and the music is carrying me, I couldn't stop if I wanted to. The song ends and I thank the bear for the dance but decline his invitation to another and go back to my table .
Tab starts to sing about a silver moon, and another guy sneaks up behind me (whats with these guys, shy I guess). He's kind of nurdy looking but nice and as we start to dance he is really getting into it. Kind of wild, not at all what I expected. I love it there's so much room on the floor, I'm spinning and moving all over and he follows me with a big grin. The song is ending, he leads me off the floor and back to my table. I'm breathing hard and smiling as I thank him for the dance. He walks away and before I can catch my breath I feel another tap on my shoulder. I turn and a very handsome man, maybe fifties, tall, slim with an artistic look about him ask me to dance. I can't seem to loose this silly smile on my face, this is fun. The cologne this man is wearing sort of puts me off, but he takes me by the hand to the dance floor and I begin to spin it's really a sensual experience, as my dress catches the air I can feel it swirling up higher and higher. The cool air blowing around my panties thrills me as I spin. Oh, don't ever let me stop!
The song ends but we stay for another and another. Finally we sit down and he asks if he can buy me a drink. He's making for the bar across the room when this really tall, blond, wild looking man comes up and asks if I would like to dance, this one is cute, I would love to dance with him but the other guy has gone off to get me a drink. He smiles and asks if I think the other guy will beat him up just for one dance. Oh Goddess, my scruples are always getting in the way of fun. The man with the drinks comes back and as I sip he leans over and asks my name. It's so loud he has to get right up to my ear. I like it, but it's kind of scary. His name is Chuck. He tells me that Sarah was his mothers name (Oh come on, isn't that about the moldiest line you ever heard?).
In case you didn't know (as the old song says), "I have a brand new pair of roller skates" and I was really hoping some body would take me home tonight and try out his "key". I know, I sound like a slut to me too. But I was ready, right up to when he said he had a room in the hotel across the street because his wife had kicked him out tonight. It seems she thought he had pushed his four year old daughter down and hurt her. He said it wasn't true, he hadn't pushed her and he began to tell me how they had been together ten years. He was getting closer and he put his arm around me, he was holding my hand and quietly coming on more and more. My body is going for it (slut), but my little hormone soaked brain says this guy's no good. As horny as I am I can't do this, I keep thinking about his wife and little girl and what kind of guy would sit here coming on to me after telling me all of that.
Some times it's a curse having morals. My body would have a lot more fun if my mind would just stay out of it. As if from a distance I hear myself saying thanks for asking but no, not tonight. I should have known when I first smelled his cologne that I wasn't going to let this guy take me home. First Impressions are usually the clearest.
It's midnight and I have to work in the morning, I get up to leave and he walks me to my car. We hug and I kiss him on his cheek and tell him to go home and apologize to his family. Some how I can tell he respects me because I didn't go for his proposition. That's nice. But here I am, driving home alone to another night in that empty bed. What would I do without my vibrator.
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