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"ARE GENDER SUPPORT GROUPS SELF
DEFEATING?"
By
Denise Anne Fell
As I write this, I freely admit that I have never had the so
called benefit of a support group. From the observations that I have made, I feel that I
am fortunate in that respect.
The idea behind a support group for any reason is wonderful,
especially in an area as touchy as gender problems, however, from things that I have seen
and heard, I also believe that they can be very damaging to individuals that attend the
meetings.
I believe that in order for a support group to work, there
must be a leader. Not one of the girls, but someone who is far ahead of the others, or
even better a member of the medical profession that has knowledge in the area of
transsexualism. The second and perhaps the most important thing is total and complete
honesty. Granted, the idea behind a support group is to offer support to each member,
however, building false hopes and not being honest in order to make another person feel
good at that particular moment can have far reaching consequences.
It is one thing to leave your home or apartment in the dark
and go to a meeting in a dimly lit room and tell each other how good everyone looks. When
reality strikes and that individual has to go out and face the world in broad daylight it
becomes another story.
I wonder how many transsexuals, who are appearing in public
for the first time will handle being laughed at by some little teenage girl. It happens
and I can tell you from experience, it hurts. It can shatter your self confidence. It can
make you doubt your ability and it can drive some that are close over the edge.
In addition to the comradely from these meetings, a time
should be set aside to discuss current problems and issues involving the members as a
group or transsexuals in general. Members should set up times when guest speakers can
attend. Get someone to come in and give makeup demonstrations. Mary Kay and Avon should be
more than happy to send a representative to show proper techniques. Have someone
knowledgeable in wig styles come in and explain how to properly choose a wig. One that
will not only match your skin tone, but will enhance your facial features. Sometimes what
we think looks best is actually the worst for our features. These people have the
knowledge to help the entire group succeed in their goal of becoming a woman or man.
One of the most important things that the members of a group
can do is to learn to give and even more important accept constructive criticism. Above
all be honest, it is better to hurt a members feelings in the security of a safe group
than to fill that individual full of false hope only to have it broken into a million
pieces when they first venture out into the world by themselves for the first time.
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