Subversive Number 9 - Sweeping Back the Beach

my body is losing cells at a faster rate
than it replaces them
this is called aging
my 'beauty treatments' are maintenance
it takes more time in the bathroom every year
just to be presentable
presentable means no flakes
i scrub and scrub
use loofas
emollients
astringents
facial soaps with grit
toothpaste with grit
or bleach
or microbeads
i soak
and steam
and mask with clays
then after all the dead cells are hopefully washed away
seal the skin with lotions and oils

would that i could be dipped in glycerin
like the moss used to make tiny trees
on model train sets
at the end of the ritual
then would i be perfectly preserved for all time?

there is perfume
so that when the flakes come back in the middle of the day
i will at least still smell clean

someday i'll stop all this
i'll let the flakes keep coming
and wait to see if there will ever be an end to them
at some point all my tissue should fall off and blow away
like leaves on a tree
and then i will know what is underneath
but i bet the cells will continue to shed
like an everlasting snowfall
and then it will occur to me that i must
be making more cells than i'm losing
because i never run out
this is called living

it makes no difference
try to stop cells from dying
try to rush the process to its inevitable conclusion
like sweeping back the beach
only sometimes sweeping towards the sea
and sometimes sweeping towards the shore
does it really matter to which side one sweeps?

Melanie's Wise Words of the Month

	Hi, I'm Melanie Anne Phillips founder of this, the world's first transgender support web site, in 1994 Click here to see an introductory video
Our Most Popular Free Support Materials
	How To Develop A Female Voice Our Most Popular Article! A step by step approach to developing a truly authentic female voice. Seven steps plus exercises guide you to the voice you've always wanted!.
	Transgender Diary A 1200 page trilogy writing over a twenty year period, covering my Transition, Transformation and Transcendence from being an ordinary husband and father to a normal life as a woman in today's society.
	Transgender Videos Informational, Instructional and entertaining videos on transgender life, transition, and living as a transgendered individual in a mono-gendered world.
	Transgender Blog Twenty Years After Transition - an ongoing exploration of what life is like more than two decades after changing genders.
	Photo Album Friends, Family, and Me.
	Hormones Everything from types and doses, to physical and emotional effects and personal descriptions of experiences.
	Surgery Sex reassignment surgery, facial feminization surgery, information, videos, photos.
	Sex Change Handbook Everything you ever wanted to know about sex change, but were afraid to ask!
	TG Q & A Answers to popular questions about transgenderism, the transgender experience, and the transgender lifestyle.
Other Popular Departments on our Web Site
Audio Diary	For the Young TS	TG Webzine	Mental Sex
Editorials	Advice	Information	Opinions
The Zen of Transgenerism

"SWEEPING BACK THE BEACH"

by
Juniko Moody

Melanie's Wise Words of the Month

"SWEEPING BACK THE BEACH"

by Juniko Moody

Melanie's Wise Words of the Month

by
Juniko Moody