Why did the Chicken Cross the Road ?

Contributed by: WHoward248@aol.com

I got this from an old professor of mine. My students didn't get it.
I felt superior. The simple pleasures of the poor.

• --Plato; For the greater Good.

• --Karl Marx; It was a historical inevitability

  --Machiavelli; So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and the courage to boldy cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strenght to contend with such a paragon of acian virtue ? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

  --Jacques Derrida; Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can nver be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD !

  --Thomas de torquemada; Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

  --Timothy Leary; Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

  --Douglas Admas; Fourty-Two

  --Nietzsche; Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

  --Oliver North; National Security was at stake.

  --B.F. Skinner; Becuase the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

  --Carl Jung; The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

  --Jean-Paul Sartre; In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

  --Ludwig Wittgenstein; The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

  --Albert Einstein; Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

  --Buddha; If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

  --Howard Cosell; It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annuals of history. An historic, unprecendented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relagted to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.

  --Salvador Dali; The Fish

  --Darwin; It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

  --Emily Dickenson; Because it could not stop for death.

  --Epicurus; For Fun.

  --Ralph Waldo Emerson; It didn't cross the road, it transcended it. --

  --Johann Friedrich von Goethe; The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

  --Ernest Hemingway; To die. In the Rain.--

  --Werner Heisenberg; We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on but is was moving very fast.

  --Saddam Hussein; This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we are quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

  --Jack Nicholson; 'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.

  --Pyrrho the Skeptic; What road?

  --Ronald Regan; I forgot.

  --The Sphinx; You tell me.

  --Mr T.; If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

  --Henry David Thoreau; to live deliberately....and suck all the marrow out of life.

  --Mark Twain; The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggereated.

  --Molly Yard; It was a hen.

  --Zeno of Elea; To Prove it could never reach the other side.