After Life

Book Two: Purgatory

From Journeys and Transitions

by Melanie

Chapter 95

Blah, Blah

November 29, 2005

It’s been a fairly peaceful day.  The snow that fell last night dissolved in the warmer rains, leaving us in a gentle fog.  And that’s pretty much where my mind is at as well.

Most of the day I was able to diet.  But just like last night, my energy level rose about 7 p.m., and then I began consuming everything with chocolate in it.  Stripped the cupboards bare.  Wolfed down four giant chocolate chunk cookies from Pepperidge farm.  In an hour.  Washed down with a cup of hot cocoa.  Made with milk.

God!  My diet can’t stand much more of this.

Yeah, I’m nervous about my surgery.  Scared a bit.  Worried about the anesthetic.  Unsure of the results.

Teresa found Bill Murray’s “The Life Aquatic” on the satellite, and since I’ve wanted to see it,  here it is.  Something comforting about this father/son fading career revenge story.

Teresa’s energy is up today.  She’s assembled three and a half sets of those shelves I bought.  And she made a brisk walk up to the top of the hill at the main street to get the empty trash can.  I accompanied for the fun of walking with her.   In the dark.  In the fog.  In the rain.

Where does this evening energy come from?  Why can’t I have it during the day?  I why can’t I stop eating chocolate???

Hey, I discovered that if I didn’t put on make-up, my face doesn’t wrinkle up and sag.  Why do you suppose that is?

Clearly the increased hormone doses are having something to do with all of these things.  And also going off coffee.  Whoa!  That’s probably what the energy thing is all about.  I always get tired about 72 hours after going off coffee.  And coffee always screws with aspects of what estrogen does – at least in me.

For example, after going on a higher sufficient dose, I get back that subcutaneous layer of fat that makes the skin softer and less wrinkly.  But if I have coffee, more than just a little, that layer vanishes in a few days.  What’s up with that?  And I get cramps about seven days after changing dose up or down.  But that also happens seven days after starting or stopping coffee.  And if I try, I can start and stop coffee and raise and lower doses all al the same time until I can put myself in cramps constantly.

Did that a few days ago.  Three days of cramps every night.  Legs, feet, leaping and shouting and stomping around in the wee dark hours.

Well, anyway, my mood is still good.  But I just wish I could keep some of this energy when I need it, rather than when I’d rather be sitting around doin’ nuttin’ watchin’ TV.

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