Hi, Nikki! Thanks for the note, AND
for all the time you took to express some interesting thoughts. I think
it only courteous to return the favor with a thoughtful reply...
In an email message you write:
I really felt after checking
out your web site that I had found a woman who had broken new ground
in the software biz. I was excited by that - and yet I wondered why
you had the audacity to put your photos all over the place. I am a
very intuitive woman and after looking at the pictures I had a feeling
that something (or rather, someone) was not genuine. Then I checked
out your dairies. Wellllll....then. Not a woman at all but a man who
"became" a woman. Yikes! It was like some strange Jerry
Springer show on the web.
My reply:
Wow! That's quite a paragraph. First
of all, I've never thought of putting pictures up on the web as
"audacious". Egocentric, maybe, but then I've enjoyed being in
the spotlight since I was little kid. It was quite natural for me to
simply carry on that life long thrill of playing to the audience when
the Web suddenly came on the scene with the best playground an artist
could ever hope for.
I note with interest your
"intuitive" sense that "someone" was not
"genuine" based on the pictures. I assure those pictures
really are me - nobody else. Of course, you might not mean the pictures
aren't me, but might be saying that I, as a person, am not
"genuine". Well, I suppose that is open to interpretation. But
I'm known to my friends as a rather kind and thoughtful person who is
both honest and can be counted on in a crunch. I don't think those who
know me would see that as being ingenuine. Also, if you have to
opportunity to talk to those who figure in my daily life, I think you'd
find that those pictures reflect both my outward appearance and inner
attitudes in an extremely genuine fashion. My last thought on this is
that you likely meant that your "intuition" alerted you to the
fact that I wasn't born physically female (only mentally so.) I must, in
that case, pay high accolades to your intuition, as the other 27,000
people who have visited my home page in the last fourteen months have
had no such comments or feelings to my knowledge.
The next part of your opening
paragraph starts to get really interesting. First of all, I love the
"Wellllll....then", I really do! It has such a judgmental
flavor to it that I honestly don't think could have been layered on
quite so thick with any other means. Now, I don't mean to put you down.
You probably meant it as a simple explanation of surprise. Still, I
don't mind telling you that it read to me like it meant, "Oh, I
SEE, THIS changes everything!" In fact, I don't think it changes
anything at all. It's like saying, "You used to be crippled?
Wellllll...then."
Paying more attention to what was
than what is, is certainly your prerogative. I must, however, take
exception (at least a little) to you saying "Not a woman at all but
a man who "became" a woman." Quite simply, I disagree
with you. I was a woman inside since day one. I had corrective surgery
to make the outside match. Again, you rely on the past as being who and
what a person is, not by appraising who and what they are now. But I
notice you counter that argument in advance by putting quote marks on
the word "became" as well. This way, you not only label me as
a man once, but a man still. Now I ask you. (You've seen the pictures.)
How far do you think I would get in a Men's room. Or the locker room? Or
the army, for that matter?
Okay, you're faced with a choice. You
have to separate a group of people into two groups by sex - men on one
side, women on the other. Do you honestly believe your friends and
neighbors would think you anything but mad if you told me to go stand in
the men's group???? "Wellllll...then."
Lasty (in this paragraph), you
compare my web site to the Jerry Springer Show. I've never seen Jerry's
show, so I'll have to rely on your judgment on that one.
I have heard that he tends to
sensationalize folks such as myself. Well, that's the LAST thing I'd
want to do to myself. How is it you came to the conclusion I was trying
to THAT, for heaven's sake!
You continue...
I didn't read all of your
dairies - it upset me too much to think of your wife, Mary and your
kids and the absolute nightmare this must have been for them.
I'm touched. I really am! That you
would have to stop reading my diaries because of the impact of the
"nightmare" I created for them - ESPECIALLY since you don't
know them and haven't met them (or me, for that matter) is truly
touching. I have to admit, your "empathy" is right up there
with your "intuition". Remarkable.
I don't think it's bad that you
became a woman.
Thank you. Strange, I hadn't gotten
that impression before. But I do appreciate your taking the quote marks
off "became".
I mean, what the hell, right?
What the hell, right!
If some guy wants to be a yak
and we have the technology and he wants to pay to be a yak then let
him.
Yak?
But I felt that this choice was
selfish, because of your children. The long range effect on your
children...God, I can't even imagine. How could you procreate and then
decide you wanted to be a woman? What about your children? To me, it
is a man's argument - because I must tell you , as a woman, I could
never do something so insanely selfish that could possibly harm my
children.
I may be missing something here, but
I get the distinct feeling you just said that women never do anything
selfish. That's quite a statement! I don't buy it, but it IS quite a
statement. Heaven's, I've known some INCREDIBLY selfish women in my
time. Even some who felt that people should be miserable their whole
lives because of any angst they might cause others by being themselves.
Me, I see a dad who was losing it. He
was beginning to be a horrible husband and a rotten father. And then...
"Wellllll...then", he went and got himself right and made his
family happy again. Only now, it was "her" family (forgive the
quotes), and she made a much better friend than a husband, a much better
parent than a father, and created a much happier family that there was
before. But, there are those who see that as being selfish (as if
transition was fun - what with all the laughter, ridicule, and notes
like this one both during and after!) Clearly there is a price to pay,
and the only thing gained was a better life in the long run for the
whole family as a group and as individuals.
Now, guys who risk their lives as
race car drivers, soldiers, electrical repairmen, stuntmen, and women
who risk theirs as inner city teachers, public defenders, and explorers
- you may see them as selfish people who create nightmares for their
families. But I see them as heroes, and their spouses and children as
beneficiaries of the risks they take and the price they pay.
In that sense I have difficulty
understanding. But I don't deny you for who you are today, certainly,
because most assuredly, penisless and all you have killed Dave and
exist now as Melanie. And you take your daughter to the Girl Scouts as
her father who is her mother? Or something....This is well beyond my
scope...
As her parent. The world today is
filled with divorced parents, step-parents, big brothers, youth leaders,
and role models. Perhaps our language is not up to describing the full
spectrum of people who love and care for children. But that is the fault
of the language, not the people. The love is real, and that is all that
matters.
Oh well. I'm still interested
in your story theory and will investigate that further - do we thank
Dave for his part in that or are you willing to accept praise on his
behalf?
Nikki
I think I can speak for Dave when I
say that there is no desire for thanks or praise, but simply
recognition.
Best wishes for all you hope to do
and be,
Melanie
Nikki's response to my reply....
Wellll...then. You are one hell
of a broad, aren't you?
I loovvved your reply. As the
person you happen to be right now, and in the past, I do give you
snaps on your intellect and aplomb. And I am glad to hear that things
are well with your family. I must tell you - I often jog off these
letters at ungodly hours when my decorum level sits on about nil. I
was being extremely cheeky and although I think in some ways you
invite that kind of cheekiness with the honest, but tabloid nature of
your site, it was still a bit "over the top". However, I get
the feeling that you may understand being a little "over the
top". As far as "genuine" is concerned, you certainly
are that - a very genuine person, and I respect anyone who would
answer a letter like mine, the way you did. I especially loved the
last line, "I think I can speak for Dave when I say that there is
no desire for thanks or praise, but simply recognition."
Nice.
Cheers to you, you cheeky
wench.
Nikki
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