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True Stories of Transition:

Forums... You have to be Joking!

From: Andreea

Hello. My name is Andreea Michailoff, I am a 24 MtF pre-op TS student. I live in Romania, Eastern Europe.

Welcome, you all would say.... Yes thank you. Thank you a lot. But I am online for almost two years, a few of you might know me from mail lists, or from chatrooms, or just cause we are penpals.

I should start by telling you all readers my status. Well, not pretty much done yet. I started HRT in May this year, ceased it after a month and began medicating again almost one month ago. Well not much interesting up to here... wait!

The funny story is that I am SELF-doctoring. Yes and this not because I am that MD or, worse, doctor-phobic person, but just because here I could not find any - BUT ANY - endo... At least one T* friendly... well I would lie to say there aren't any but they are enough afraid to avoid assuming responsibility and refuse involving.

Why did I jump to the endos before telling of pshrinks, you may ask... Well, the same problem. Either they advise you strongly to "grow outta it", or they take all your cash (if privates) just to tell you after a bunch of therapy years that you sure had a misunderstanding of your condition and are not transsexual at all.

You also could figure out that this is another "Silence of The Lambs" case. Well no, this only happens in Romania where homosexuality is prison punished and we transgendered are under the same (almost!) condition...

You might know the expression "turning in a vicious circle"... well if not, here's the explanation of it: I am not moving outta this damn spot cause I am not that passable and I am not passable cause I am living here. No exit, one might say... Cannot figure out one while I am a radio dj and earn less than 100$ monthly and my father is an engineer for 20 years and he is earning EVEN LESS! Most of the wages here are alike...

I am endangering my liver and kidneys in an attempt of forcing the process, as long as this is the only thing I can do for myself... Have absolutely no idea about dosages, except those my friends on the web advised me not to overpass.. I suppose I am taking minimal doses and stay safe - at least for a while.. I am terribly scared about getting to ER because of this, cause there is only one way outta there (if I will make it of course), the lunatic asylum... No one would believe I am a woman and not that ??? androgynous creature they see...

Well one friend of mine tried to fight against law and bureaucracy and gain his (he's a FtM) place under the sun.. passed through forensic exam (the legal procedure here in Romania) and all he got was interdiction to any process (HRT or SRS) for two years... also interdiction for changing legal status. I am afraid of passing the same because any interdiction like this, well, I don't think I would be able to handle it and stay sane.

I am trying to open but also cannot do this either.. If you want to have a close image of the public opinion over transgenderism here, just figure out a Muslim Fanatic country and you're in. No we are not Muslims but Orthodox Christians.. Never figured out this could be so bad!

And, finally, I have no friends. T* people here use to hide and avoid opening even to other T*s, so except Danny (that FtM friend) there is no one about I know.. Heard about a couple of, but never managed to meet any...

Do not take me wrong. The purpose of this letter is not to be a beggar's one... just an explanation. Because...

1. All the people I asked abroad about how to improve my condition advised me to try Western Europe, which is impossible as long as no embassy would accord me any visa... We are not in the European Community... 2. All the sites I've been searched (and there were pretty a lot) were not showing any - but ANY - precise procedures of medication.... yes I am not that kid, know about monitoring all the body functions and correlate them with dosages, well THIS is what I am looking for... 3. Though! International prices are way too far from any possibilities of changing status with Romanian financial resources. 4. Everybody else can (and uses to) be just sorry, which makes me feel even more pathetic than I already am.

I know that people are busy and have to care first about their priorities and only after to care about others' ones... I also know that we all have to work to gain something in our lives... but it seems me way too unfair to be trapped in a prison like this and way too impossible to work an exit out of it... Yet if you just had the time to read my letter, figure out any possible answer for my status and drop me some lines, well, I will be more than grateful.

I also want to apologize those I might offend with my posting, the intention wasn't at all to happen like this. Sorry once more.

Thank you in advance, Andreea (who learns to fly above the clouds so she can see the sun shining)

 

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