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True Stories of Transition: My Journey of HOPEFrom: Nikki CommentsSometime, somewhere, there may be a reader who sees this letter, and stares into the mirror for a moment only to view himself/herself. If this is you, I hope this will be an encouragement to you. I was raised in the rural deep south in a traditional community with traditional parents and traditional cousins, neighbors, friends, and so forth. I grew up as a "normal" boy to all eyes around me, although from early years I knew I was not the same as other boys. By this, I do not mean that I was feminine in appearance or actions. BUT...I was feminine in my reasoning and emotions and contemplations. I never had a homosexual experience, and I never found myself attracted to other boys. I just loved the girls, and their games, and so forth. I never wanted to wear dresses. But I did want to play games with them. I found that boy sporting events were not fun at all, although I played basketball and baseball. I was the thinker, the philosopher, the valedictorian. But I was not the NERD. The earliest most impressionable event in my life was the conversion of Dr. Renee Richards. I WANTED TO BE HER!!!!! But I was a child, and my parents spoke so negatively of her conversion that I was plunged into years of denial at my own feelings. When I graduated high school, I wanted to run away from it all, disappear, change my name, and everything....but the money was not there and I was so afraid. Now, I am 35. Time flies, as they say. I have been married three times (now in my third). BUT the fire inside of me is so strong after years of denying it, that I cannot blink an eye without considering all that lies before me. I tried to speak to my wife, but she doesn't want to "connect." Strange, women say they want a man who shares his feelings, but they often vanish away when he opens up. So here I am....Not yet on my way, but eager. I am seeking a second undergraduate degree right now, and preparing for the rest of my life. I will take the next two years to explore and prepare and "leap the leap of faith". I say all of this to let you know, whoever you are, that not all transgendered people are so noticeably feminine nor are they always homosexual. We are all in this great walk together...and there are plenty of shades in the rainbow. And there is room for you along the way, should you wish to walk this long mile.
NIKKI
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