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A Reader Asks...

I would like to ask you a few questions that I have asked myself many times. Is being post-op (SRS) all that its cracked up to be?

Melanie Replies...

Well, that is like asking "Is life all that it is cracked up to be?" There is no overall answer, because although SRS deeply affects life, there is much more to life than that, yet the two are impossible to really separate.

I have read all the FAQ's available on the net but to this day I have not had the opportunity to chat with someone who has gone through SRS to get their personal experience. Does SRS change your sexual drive? I'm sorry to ask questions so personal but I have no one to ask these to.

Yes, it changes it. The best way to describe it is that it is the same feeling, but takes longer to be triggered, yet lasts longer. As a male, you know that feeling you get when you become aroused, but before anything physically comes to attention? That "pre" feeling that gets you started - that is what women (post-op and genetic) feel all during foreplay, once it gets going. For guys, the feeling then focuses right at the tip of Old Fred, but for women, it remains generalized, more like that initial warm glow all over the area "down there".

The feeling doesn't "sharpen" for women like it does in men, but rather just gets stronger like someone turning up the intensity on one of those cheap halogen lamps. Orgasm is like when the bulb burns out. It is more a feeling of relief than climax. The throbbing is still there, but rather than feeling like the ultimate jet propulsion, it is more like major duty ripples dispersing the pent up energy.

I have read in FAQ's that after SRS some women become multi-orgasmic. Is this true and how does the "orgasm" (pardon my use of the word for a lack of a better word) feel in relation to when you were male.

Yes, one can have multi-orgasms, but it is not common in general nor frequent for those individuals that can. Yes, I have experienced that, but it was a lot of work subject to the laws of diminishing returns.

Is there still ejaculation?

There can be for some time after surgery, as the prostate is left intact, and depedning upon how the healing proceeded. But, after a time, that will stop, though the prostate still provides additional sexual feelings through the rest of your normal sex life.

How real is the transformation. I once saw pictures on a medical web page of post-op (SRS) patient's genitals. They did not look very convincing to me. I have considered SRS but only if I'm going >to be left with realistic looking genitals. Please don't be offended by my questions. I'm just ignorant and I want to know more.

Don't worry - I didn't even know the answers to these until perhaps a year AFTER surgery. I simply didn't care, I just wanted it done, whatever it was they did. In answer to this question, there are two "stages" of surgery in the more respected procedures. The first stage is all the internal work that creates the vagina. The second stage is a "labiaplasty" that brings together the two sides of vaginal lips at the top to make a more "authentic" appearance.

As of this time, I have not yet had the labiaplasty, even though I am currently five years post-op. Why? Because 1.) You can't see much down there under all the hair, 2.) I've never had any complaints from lovers, 3.) It's another 3 to 5 thousand dollars, and the TOP reason I have not yet done it.... I simply don't want to take a chance of endangering my sex drive, which is doing just fine, thank you, and I don't want to mess with success.

I saw also from your bibliography that you had an understanding wife. How did your children react? (I'm afraid my family would react very negatively). My life is an open book if you have questions for me please ask me. I will answer them.

The kids have had their ups and downs. Its been up times for quite a while now. The kids tell their friends, but as I am a writer, have a web site, and co-created a popular software product, they generally think I'm pretty cool for a parent. Besides, I bake them cookies.

Also, I have worked hard to have a close relationship with my kids. My seventeen year old son and I still wrestle around on the livingroom floor. Of course, he does that with his mother too - we're just a close family. My thirteen year old daughter and I are two very good friends. We go on lots of trips together and she is my assistant in some of my business ventures.

All in all, I think they both wish I had stayed dad logistically, but as a parent, they love me very much and wouldn't trade me for any other dad or mom. And I feel the same about them.

Thanks for the note, and best wishes in all you hope to do and be.



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