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by Melanie Anne
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The
Zen of Transgenderism
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The Word's
Very First Transgender Support Web Site
A Reader Asks...
Does the taking of estrogen really
change one's thinking and perceptions this profoundly? As such then
women take in life with a rather different perspective of reality.
Melanie Replies...
Absolutely correct.
I have all these questions in my
mind on this; since your course here is something I am thinking of
pursuing. If I were to become a woman, then I might expect to see
and experience things in very different ways. Do you experience sex
in very different ways; from both the emotional and physical point
of view?
Yes. Orgasm is less intense, but the build up to
it is more sustained, and in fact more enjoyable than the completion
of the event. Also, the whole soul opens up during lovemaking, so that
there is an almost religious experience of the heart when with someone
you truly love.
When you wake up in the morning is
there right from the start a difference in feeling, or in how you
say taste your morning coffee or see the sunrise, than there was
before the Sex R surgery?
I can't say that things look different by shape,
but the colors do look different. Most importantly, my perceptions are
different so where I focus, how things are related, and what is
emphasized is quite unlike what it was before. In other words, the
world looks more or less the same but does not feel so.
Do you see the way in which people
interact with each other in different ways?
Yes, there is a great shift as to how I am
"tuned" and "attuned." I am now quite aware of my
subtleties that previously escaped me.
For that matter how do you socially
interact with women now that is different than in the ways that you
did before. I see that women are much more expressive toward each
other, while men tend to be, at least in our culture, far more
reserved. Did this change for you? Did you find yourself suddenly
able, or more able, to express yourself to women than you could
before?
Yes and no. I can express my emotional self more
fully, both with men and women. I no longer feel I must uphold a
"control" position or joust for status. But, over a third of
a century of living in a male role has established a more logical bent
than virtually any other woman I know. So, I tend to find men
insensitive, and women shallow in conversation. My solution is to
share my feelings with women and my logic with men. Then,
occasionally, I can reverse that, and when I do, I become vulnerable
with men, and commanding of women. The key is to let it happen by
itself, when the time is right, based on intuition not intention.
Then, the psychic potential is diffused in synch with the needs of the
soul.
Most importantly, are you overall
happier now than you were before?
Changing my sex did not make me happier. But, it
did clear the way for me to find happiness. I am now in love with a
wonderful woman who is also post-op: something I would not even
consider in the past. But love found me. The reason it did was because
I had opened up as a person as a result of being physically and
socially female.
The important issue here is to find love. I can
imagine (from the perspective of who I am today) that there may be
other paths than sex change to open oneself. But for me, perhaps this
was the only path. No matter how one feels about being a woman, that
is never enough reason to have surgery. Still, it what drives most
everyone who takes that path. But that is not really the issue. The
issue is happiness itself, and surgery will not provide that but may
remove the obstacles that have prevented it.
Melanie
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