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Your letters - Melanie's responses

Reply to a letter from a transitional human being:

Thank you for your letter, Mariah. I'm truly sorry to hear that you are in that "in-between" stage where the troubles seem insurmountable. Please take heart in knowing that is just an intermediate stage. In fact, the very intensity of pain you are currently feeling is the actual "landmark" that you are almost through the worst of it.

Every gender person with whom I have ever spoken who now finds happiness and fulfillment, had to pass through that stage. Part of what causes that pain is the belief (we have all experienced) that we must somehow decide if we are TV or TS, if we should stay all masculine or jump to being all feminine.

Believe me, those views will change. It won't seem like they can for a while, however. Each and every one of us who is now happy with whatever we have found ourselves to be was unable to see the "gray scale" aspect of who we are, who we could be, until AFTER we got through the painful part that you are in right now.

So, although you can't see it, take my word for it. Now that you are so focused upon your discontent, that very focus will drive you forward, out of the dark and into the light. What you will find is that defining oneself is no longer important at all. What people think you are is not important. The only thing that matters is if they like you, and you like them.

"Fitting in" is not the same thing as "being the same". People, cliques, or clubs that "force" others to conform to a rigid ideal leave no room for the truth of who each individual truly is. But people, cliques or clubs that are drawn together by a common interest, yet not only allow but revel in the wonderful variety of each individual are the strongest and most fulfilling.

You will find that at some point you suddenly realize you haven't thought about whether you were male or female, masculine or feminine, TV or TS, Gay, Bi, or Straight, for weeks. Instead, you've been too busy just being yourself to worry about it.

When we fear what others think, we try to define what they want. We force ourselves to act contrary to our natures and establish strong relationships with those who accept us for our mask. What we don't realize is that there are just as many people out there who hate us for our mask yet would accept us for who we truly are.

To take off the mask is to expose ourselves to initial ridicule from those who thought we were someone else. But once we look upon the world with our true face, those who like that face gravitate toward us, and a new circle of friends develops. The only difference is that THIS time, WE like who we are as well.

Nothing can remove the pain of this transition. It is the rite of passage that makes us worthy of the joy with which we shall be rewarded. Yes, it will hurt, but see it not as the sum total of your future, but as a process of purification through which you will pass into the life you were meant to have.



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