Reply to a
letter from a transitional human being:
Thank you for your letter, Mariah. I'm truly
sorry to hear that you are in that "in-between" stage where
the troubles seem insurmountable. Please take heart in knowing that is
just an intermediate stage. In fact, the very intensity of pain you
are currently feeling is the actual "landmark" that you are
almost through the worst of it.
Every gender person with whom I have ever spoken
who now finds happiness and fulfillment, had to pass through that
stage. Part of what causes that pain is the belief (we have all
experienced) that we must somehow decide if we are TV or TS, if we
should stay all masculine or jump to being all feminine.
Believe me, those views will change. It won't
seem like they can for a while, however. Each and every one of us who
is now happy with whatever we have found ourselves to be was unable to
see the "gray scale" aspect of who we are, who we could be,
until AFTER we got through the painful part that you are in right now.
So, although you can't see it, take my word for
it. Now that you are so focused upon your discontent, that very focus
will drive you forward, out of the dark and into the light. What you
will find is that defining oneself is no longer important at all. What
people think you are is not important. The only thing that matters is
if they like you, and you like them.
"Fitting in" is not the same thing as
"being the same". People, cliques, or clubs that
"force" others to conform to a rigid ideal leave no room for
the truth of who each individual truly is. But people, cliques or
clubs that are drawn together by a common interest, yet not only allow
but revel in the wonderful variety of each individual are the
strongest and most fulfilling.
You will find that at some point you suddenly
realize you haven't thought about whether you were male or female,
masculine or feminine, TV or TS, Gay, Bi, or Straight, for weeks.
Instead, you've been too busy just being yourself to worry about it.
When we fear what others think, we try to define
what they want. We force ourselves to act contrary to our natures and
establish strong relationships with those who accept us for our mask.
What we don't realize is that there are just as many people out there
who hate us for our mask yet would accept us for who we truly are.
To take off the mask is to expose ourselves to
initial ridicule from those who thought we were someone else. But once
we look upon the world with our true face, those who like that face
gravitate toward us, and a new circle of friends develops. The only
difference is that THIS time, WE like who we are as well.
Nothing can remove the pain of this transition.
It is the rite of passage that makes us worthy of the joy with which
we shall be rewarded. Yes, it will hurt, but see it not as the sum
total of your future, but as a process of purification through which
you will pass into the life you were meant to have.
Melanie
