Q & A
the Young TS
Your Letters - Melanie's Replies
Visitor: Melanie - Either you're pulling
my leg and the jokes on me, or you're for REAL!
Me: Oh, I'm for real alright, though it often
feels like anything but reality! ;)
Visitor: I guess the first question
should be, why? Why did you put yourself through this ordeal?
Me: The best answer is that asking
"why" is a male question. I never asked that question. I
just felt pulled in this direction and followed my heart. If I had
been able to ask "why" and have that be a major concern, I
probably would not have been truly female at heart. Someone once
said to me, "Why would a man do a thing like that?" I
replied, "A man wouldn't!"
Visitor: The next question or two would
be, how did your wife and children take it?
Me: Well, they weren't too particularly happy
about it, but if there is love (even friendship and parental love)
one can get used to most anything. They are mostly used to it. I'm
sure they still wish I hadn't done it, but that doesn't mean we
can't all have a good time. Besides, I've been VERY successful
financially since surgery, so they get a few extra perks in a raised
lifestyle that helps justify it to some degree.
Visitor: It's good to hear that you and
your wife are good friends. Did you keep your original equipment?
Me: There's no way to do that. When you have
surgery, everything is used as raw material to construct a
completely female self through plastic surgery. Nothing is wasted.
By the time you heal, you are as physically female as the next
woman. The real key is: does your womanhood come from the inside
out? Only if your heart is the source of your self do you
"feel" like a woman to others, no matter how good and
"authentic" you may be physically.
Visitor: Have you had many male lovers
since your change?
Me: Oh, not many... perhaps four or five in
four years. Mostly I've found them to be so wrapped up in trying to
find themselves that it is hard to tolerate for someone who already
has. Once and a while I meet a guy who is truly together.
Unfortunately, so far, they are either already spoken for or don't
click with me at a chemistry level. Someday, though....
Visitor: I'm very curious about you
having the ability to have the female sense of responses to
another man's touch, especially down in the more private parts. Do
you react like a typical woman?
Me: There is no typical woman. I react as
myself, without thinking. All I can tell you is that no one has ever
pointed out any discrepancies or problems with the way I am myself.
Sex is good and the psychological feelings associated with it are
much better now than before.
Visitor: Why should you have mixed
feelings about meeting people from the internet. It's not really
any different that meeting people in real life, other than you can
be totally up front with them, without meeting them first. In
fact, you may find yourself someone that will except you, as you
are, that's true with their feelings about what they have learned
Me: Well, I am not the words I write. They are
only a small part of me. I am not my voice on the telephone. It is
only a reflection of me. Who I am is in person, and that person
wants to be first known as Melanie and then later, perhaps (if the
plot thickens) to be known in history as well. When you meet someone
in the "real" world, they see you for you first. Then, if
and only if things progress to a closer course, does my history ever
have to be brought up.
But on the internet, I feel dishonest in not
spelling out potential "show stoppers" in advance. Someone
can invest a lot of emotional overhead, only to discover that they
have to completely re-evaluate the other person. I don't think
that's fair to do to anyone, but I don't like waving a flag every
time I meet someone either. So, I've kind of abandoned the internet
scene, and prefer to simply meet people as me and see where it goes.
Visitor: One last curious thought comes
to mind. Perhaps, when you did decide that you want someone for
your ever own, maybe a gay man would be better for you. Please, I
don't mean to offend. You'll find that I'm extremely honest too,
to the point of being brutal, sometimes.
Me: Actually, gay men aren't turned on by me
at all. After all, the only thing they see is a woman. Why would a
gay man be turned on by a naked woman? How could he be? Besides,
I've never been interested in gays. I have met a few through
friends, but I've never found any common ground between them and
myself, other than as perhaps business associates working on the
Visitor: Well, I hope to hear from you
again, soon! John
Me: And so you shall!
Copyright Transgender Support Site