(In response to her questionnaire posted to members of
the online gender community,
regarding which would be preferable: to change the body to match the
mind,
or the mind to match the body?)
As to the first question: Well, I am a struggling CD/TV.
( I dress only at home when I am safe, due to my build I only dress as a
woman from the waist down) I had stop dressing for years and only
recently began again, however due to my build and features I do not look
much like a woman. I am heterosexual and enjoy making love to woman so I
don't know where I fit in many times.
Altering my body to fit the mind would do nothing to
further my situation than altering my mind to fit the body. I am in a
'limbo' situation until I decide whether I should be a fulltime TV or
not. Also of late I have stopped dressing totally to see what my path
is, but one thing I am sure of is that I have no desire to be a TS or
see myself as ever becoming one. That is my personal feelings/opinion as
I am sure that I am heterosexual meaning I prefer sex with women. To
adjust my body would make me a TS who prefers women hence a lesbian.
While this would seemingly settle my situation, it doesn't. I do not
want to be a woman, but feel a need and comfort when dressed as on,
particularly when I'm writing.
Anon
*************************
Oh, this one's easy. By all means, change the
mind...CHANGE THE MIND!!!
The pain of our condition is three-fold: First is the
pain of unknown origin...the pain we've lived with all our lives.
Something is wrong with us, but we don't know what it is. Then comes the
second source of pain-we unearth a name for who or what we are, and
realize there must be steps taken to overcome the pain. For some of us,
that includes changing our outward appearance to match that of our
psyches. Therein lies the third source-the reactions of others,
especially for those of us who have married and begun families. For some
of us, we find we must reject that which we have built, those whom we
love, in order to achieve happiness. This third source of pain could be
avoided entirely if it were possible to alter the mind to fit the body.
At least that way, we could continue in our original roles to those who
love us.
We define transsexualism as non-congruence between the
mind and the body. All we desire is to have the mind and the body of the
same sex and gender. To alter the body, we must affect everyone around
us. We force them to perceive us in a new way. This is difficult for
many to accept, and becomes the reason many of us lose friendships,
loved ones, jobs, etc. To change the mind would allow us to view
ourselves as mentally and physically congruent without putting all of
our outside world relationships at risk.
Our goal is mental and physical congruence. If altering
the mind was as easy (yes I know-a relative term) as altering the body
to achieve congruence, wouldn't it be better to choose the path of
alteration that affected the fewest number of people?
Elaine P1
*************************
If there was a choice of adjusting the mind to fit the
body or adjusting the body to fit the mind, would you choose one or the
other and why?
I would choose to adjust the body to fit the mind. I
would much rather be female than male. I am TV. If life circumstances
were different I would most definitely venture toward the TS end of the
gender spectrum. But as things are today, I am and have the
responsibilities of a husband and father which I take very seriously.
I would rather be female but I don't have to be. And at
this time being female runs contrary to my responsibilities of a husband
and father. So settling to be TV rather than TS. No one is forcing me to
choose this path, In following it of my free will. There are too many
people whom I love dearly will be burden if I choose otherwise.
I don't feel that I was born in the wrong body. I just
would rather be female. (no therapist would give me letters of
recommendations for surgery with that answer.) I'm sure that I would
have been a great wife and mother.
I hope my answer makes sense.
Leslie10
*************************
I believe adjusting the body to fit the mind is the most
appropriate since the mind is who and what we are. The physical
attributes should match how we view ourselves.
Ellisa
*************************
I would rather adjust the body to the mind. The mind is
far more powerful then the mind and therefore cannot be adjusted. One
cant deny there true feelings for long
Julie85042
*************************
I am a pre-op-TS (MtF). I've been on Premarin since last
Christmas along with electrolysis, etc. I go full time next New Years
day. In response to your GenderNews question, I would never want to
change my mind to fit a male body. I wouldn't be me anymore. I thought
about this before I went on my TS path. I was to see a therapist to
"cure" my transgender feelings. As my appointment got closer,
I began to think of what I would be loosing if indeed I could develop a
male mind somehow (It wouldn't have worked anyway!). I love my
femininity, my soft, emotional nature. My love of pastels, flowers, and
pretty things. I love my women friends, AS FRIENDS. I'm glad I made the
right decision.
Love, KristineTS
*************************
Hmmm, adjusting the mind to fit the body or adjusting
the body to fit the mind... I think that adjusting the mind to fit the
body is much easier. In my case accepting is the key. I have spent 27
years trying to convince myself that I was not a Cross dresser. Then I
discovered the book written by Virginia Prince and found out that I was
not alone nor was I much different than many other males. Adjusting the
mind to accept what I am as much as Who I am. Knowing that I will never
have the body of a female and I must accept this also is part of the
acceptance.
HUGS, Sarah 3182]
*************************
For me, I would prefer that my body be adjusted to fit
my mind. I prefer the female way of thinking and doing things. Since I
don't like male ways now, why would I want to force them on myself. All
this macho stuff men have to put out is stupid and certainly not to my
liking.
Any ways. I know this has been a short response, but
that's all I really have to say on the matter.
Love,
Wendy TG
*************************
I'd rather change the body to match the mind. That way
you stay the same person and the body would match the person. Changing
the mind to fit the body, you would no longer be the same person.
Melanie337
*************************
Speaking as a 12+ year post-op transsexual-if I could
have changed my mind or my body (and I stress "could have") --
I would have changed my "mind." The pain, the anxiety-all of
the turmoil to family and friends would have been avoided-and I would be
at peace with myself.
However, one can't change one's mind. It's impossible,
medically or psychologically. The body is a different matter.
I did change my body-and from a 12-year perspective:
YES! I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. No if's, no doubts, no but's! I am at
peace with myself.
Jeanne
(Note: Jeanne responded to a posting on compuserves
Genderline)
*************************
That's an easy question. Adjust the body. I don't want
anyone messing with my mind, I do enough of that myself. I know it's
hard to be a woman, hell, it's hard to be a human being, but
unequivocally, without a doubt, yes. I never wanted to be a man, rarely
thought of myself as one, and have gone through the craziness we all
have, long dark nights of the soul wanting to give this up but unable
to. I am Cheryl (or Joyce or Karen or Jackie or Joanne or Susan), for
good or ill, I can't conceive of being someone else. I am a girl, dammit
(banging head against the wall) and will consider no other possibility.
I refuse to recognize that I might have a penis, uggh! the thought turns
my stomach. I've gone this far as Cheryl, I'm not going to deny it now.
I'm going to paint my toenails and not even think of the
question.
Hugs,
Cheryl
(Note: Cheryl responded to a posting on compuserves
Genderline and has mentioned that she will be joining in on AOL soon)
*************************
I would prefer to have the body match the mind. My mind
has the desire to dress and act feminine but my body does not look the
part. I wish that I could get my body to more resemble the female body
for a better fit of clothes and for looks.
As I said before. Thanks for taking the time to do this
Anna. It is OK to use my name in the gender news if you would like.
LeAnne CD
*************************
Adjust the body to suit the mind. It just makes more
sense since we know more about the body.
Susan TS.
*************************
I would adjust the body to fit the mind....I'm not sure
why I feel the way that I do , but I know that I have felt the need to
crossdress sense I was about five...These urges have presented a
constant challenge to me , and often I've prayed to have them go
away...I do believe there is a reason why we have these urges and I know
in my heart of hearts that they are both a blessing and a possible
curse...I cursed and did not except these desires for a long time...now,
finally I am beginning to give in to my desires and that is a
blessing...I say bring on the magic pill that will help me be all that I
can be.
Gemini8606
*************************
I would choose neither choice. As a Het TV I don't feel
there is a problem with my body or my mind.(Well the body could use some
work physically!!) If I could change someone else's mind about TVism I
think that might help.
Leesha
*************************
I would choose adjusting the body to the mind. Although
I believe I am not a transsexual, I would find it would be much easier
to be a female than a male because of the strict rules that the
dominating male society puts upon people.
I am a TG, primarily Androgynous, but I do crossdress
with some women's clothes. As a woman, I would be more free to express
my individuality. A born female who is androgynous, is more likely to be
accepted than a born male would be.
I was born a man with a female personality, which makes
it difficult to live in a masculine dominated society. If I could change
to be a woman, then I would. I would feel more comfortable around people
and myself. I could look into the mirror and feel serenity.
Love,
Storm Face
*************************
It depends
Mind to body...my fem mind to a fem body yes..but there
is not all that much fem (that I know of) in me. When I'm dressed it
comes out and especially when I'm with my wife I feel "soft"
but I don't know how far it goes
In the other direction Body to mind since it is a male
body I've never completely experienced the 100% male thing (due to the
TV inclination). Perhaps I'd like too...but then since I have this cross
thing (I'm defiantly hetero) I treasure those soft moments
Here are the results of the alt.transgendered
survey.
The results are expressed as percentages with actual
numbers shown in square brackets [#] when I thought the numbers may be
interesting.
The numbers in parenthesis () reflect the inclussion of
a total of results of the survey circulated to the American On Line
system (thanks to Crystal for the input).
I'm having to send this through the penet server so it
may take a bit longer than using the laUNCpad. There is no way to upload
a file on that system and the results were compiled on my PC. '-)
So with our further adeiu, here are the results:
***************************************
RESULTS OF THE alt.transgendered SURVEY
***************************************
1) Average age: 32.2 years (32.7 years)
2) Birth sex: Female 0% Male 100%
3) Location:
country:
USA 76.1% [51] (78.9% [60])
Canada 11.9% [8] (10.5% [8])
Europe 9.0% [6] ( 7.9% [6])
Pacific 3.0% [2] ( 2.6% [2])
Urban environment 82% (80.3%) or Rural environment
18% (19.7%)
4) Sexual partner preference:
Female 68.6% (65.8%)
Male 4.5% (7.9%)
Both 23.9% (22.4%)
Neither/No response 3% (3.9%)
5) Time aware of gender ambiguity: 16.9 years (14.8
years)
6) Current personal status: Acceptance 83.6% (85.5%)
Denial 16.4% (14.5%)
7) Are you a:
Transsexual 37.3% [25] (42.1% [32])
Transvestite 50.7% [34] (47.3% [36])
Interested third party 6% [4] (5.3% [4])
8) If transsexual, are you:
Preoperative 60% [15] (59.4% [19])
Post-operative 8% [2] (12.5% [4])
Neither 32% [8] (28.1% [9])
9) Do you participate in professional therapy:
Yes 28.4% (31.6%)
No 71.6% (68.4%)
10) Are you a member of a support group (other than
alt.tg):
Yes 38.8% (40.8%)
No 61.2% (59.2%)
11) Marital status:
Single 40.3% [27] (39.5% [30])
Married 43.3% [29] (42.1% [32])
Divorced 7.5% [5] ( 9.2% [7])
Lasting relationship 8.9% [6] (9.2% [7])
12) If married or involved:
A) Does you S.O. know of your gender ambiguity:
Yes 86.1% (87.5%)
No 11.1% (10.0%)
Maybe 2.8% (2.5%)
B) If yes, is your S.O. accepting and/or
supportive:
Yes 83.3% (82.4%)
No 16.7% (17.6%)
13) Do you cross dress:
Yes 77.6% (75%)
No 22.4% (25%)
If so, how many years have you been consistently
crossdressing:
11.3 years (11.9 years)
14) Do you subscribe to any transgendered publications:
90% of female-to-male transsexuals and 61% of
male-to-female transsexuals are sexually satisfied.
70% of female-to-male transsexuals and 43% of
male-to-female transsexuals retain close contact with their
families.
57% of female-to-male transsexuals and 27% of
male-to-female transsexuals form lasting romantic partnerships.
100% of female-to-male transsexuals and 60% of
male-to-female transsexuals inform their partners about their
transsexualism.
5% of female-to-male transsexuals and 21% of male to
female transsexuals have made a suicide attempt.
100% of sexual partners of female-to-male transsexuals
are female. 60% of sexual partners of male-to-female transsexuals are
male.
-- Source: The Great Divide (How Females & Males
Really Differ) by Daniel Evan Weiss, drawn from data originally
appearing in Archives of Sexual Behavior, December 1988 issue.
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