Advice for the Young TS...
From: Karen
Being a teen with gender questions/confusion is tough. I know, I
was there just a couple years ago (I'm 21 now). It can be a very
dangerous time, but it can also be the best time to discover these
things about yourself.
If you explore this side of yourself now you can avoid a multitude
of problems that older individuals might face. You avoid building a
lifetime of relationships based on lies, example: you probably won't
have to worry about the wife and kids. Also, if you chose to go for
hormones/SRS, you will have a much greater amount success if you start
young, while the body is still very receptive to change (at age 18 the
body will still show about 80% - 90% of the effects which estrogen
would have produced in an adolescent female).
Of course there is the aforementioned danger also. One thing to
remember: anyone under 18 is NOT a legal adult and is therefore
basically the PROPERTY of their legal guardians and therefore lacking
many of the civil rights and protections of society.
I almost found this out the hard way. I had barely turned 18 when I
decided to bring this issue up with my family. They attempted to
commit me, yeah to an asylum, "nut house", or as they called
it a "youth counseling and development center".
They could not legally FORCE me to go, but I went anyway for a couple
of outpatient sessions.
It was terrible, I was surrounded by two counselors and my sister.
They grilled me like a hamburger, it was like the Inquisition. They
focused on the "facts" that I was perverted, would never be
accepted by society, and that my "moral transgressions"
endangered the welfare and mental health of my family.
I finally pulled out of this 'downward spiral' when I moved away
from home to go to college. I simply agreed with the counselors and my
family, told them I was 'Cured', played the part they wanted, and
basically shut my mouth and 'sold out'. Then I started college a
couple of months later and got away from their 'sphere of influence'.
I tell this story, not with the hope of frightening you to death,
but with the hope of giving you a 'bad case scenario' to learn from.
It is not nearly the worst or best that can happen in your case,
because every family is different. But before you start 'spilling your
guts' to ANYONE you must be sure, or nearly so beyond a reasonable
doubt, that you can trust them and that they have your best interests
at heart (and not theirs, or the 'greater good' or some crap like
that). This is especially true if you are a very young teen, say 12 to
16, but it is still very important to anyone 17 or 18.
You can do several things to aid in judging this. First of all,
what is their degree of education. It is often found that a person's
degree of open mindedness goes up as they are educated. This is not
always the case, but it is a good general guideline. The most
important factor is probably religion. Regardless of what people may
say, religion is a prime motivator for intolerance. Religion often
calls for 'evenness' and a lack of diversity, especially the nomadic
desert religions such as Judeo-Christianity and Islam. If a person is
very religious, or even moderately so, they will often react very
badly to any such issues. Once again, this is not always the case, but
it is all to often the way things are.
Do you live in an area of great ethnic diversity, or are these
people used to an area of great ethnic diversity? By this I mean are
there 10 or 20 different ethnic groups in your immediate area. This
will often, but not always, breed some tolerance in the people of an
area. Generally, people in Los Angeles are more tolerant that people
in Podunk, Kentucky (I live right next door to Podunk, it sucks). You
could also attempt to gauge their reaction by bringing up certain
related issues in an intellectual/political context. Ask them their
opinion about homosexuality, gays in the military, Matt Shepard's
murder, or the TV show 'Ellen'. If Jenny Jones or Oprah is doing a
show about transgender people, ask "What do you think about that
stuff?" Don't be too obvious about it, bring it up in context of
a news show, magazine article, or class assignment.
These things are just guidelines. You can choose to take them to
heart or ignore them altogether, its ultimately up to you. On a final
note, even though it might seem hard, being patient is the key. If you
are an older teen, and your parents/family are very intolerant, at
worst you may have to wait a couple or three years to be free of their
most detrimental influence. If they are at least grudgingly accepting,
be patient in exploring this aspect of yourself.
Take time to find a QUALIFIED counselor, one who can help more than
they will hurt. They should have previous experience with transgender
issues and preferably have a good reputation in the transgender
community. Talk with some of their patients if possible.
Above all keep HOPE, that is by far the most important thing. Most
people don't even begin to seriously question their gender until their
mid thirties. By simply addressing this issue now you are years ahead
of many, so don't be afraid to wait. Build your resources and reserves
until you are sure about what you want and if you can actually do it.
No one in their right mind would attempt to climb Everest without
substantial preparation, and this is no different.
